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: Frana Agapi Stassinopoulos.

Through a mutual friend, I e-met Agapi Stassinopoulos. She has a new book that's just hitting the bookstores, Unbinding the Heart. She grapples with the question of how we can "unbind our hearts" better to experience playfulness, connection, self-expression, and joy. Clearly happiness is at the heart of this challenge.

Gretchen: What’s a simple activity that consistently makes you happier?
Agapi: Getting together with the people I care for and having an intimate time, where we lovingly share and listen to each other in a safe haven, recharges me and fills my heart. It beats any good therapist! After all, it’s a Greek tradition that around the kitchen table, through food, laughter, and a little bit of wine, all sorts of problems can get resolved. Your heart gets nurtured and your spirit gets lifted.

What’s something you know now about happiness that you didn’t know when you were 18 years old?
Now I know that my happiness is generated from inside myself. My happiness is not dependent on what I get from the outside world, but more about what I can bring to the world.

Is there anything you find yourself doing repeatedly that gets in the way of your happiness?
The two main things that get most in my way of happiness are worrying and pressure. Sometimes, I start to worry about the outcome of things, rather than projecting positively into the future, and finding happiness in the present. It’s a terrible habit that I catch myself doing, and I try to course correct the moment I recognize it. Other times, I pressure myself to do more, to be more…It’s the “more” obsession. There is only one remedy, which is to call myself back into the present and to be grateful.

Is there a happiness mantra or motto that you’ve found very helpful? (E.g., I remind myself, “No calculation.”) Or a happiness quotation that has struck you as particularly insightful?
My mantra is “I am fully present with myself wherever I am.” Like my mother used to say, “give your full attention to whatever it is you are doing.”

If you’re feeling blue, how do you give yourself a happiness boost?
I light some candles, get cozy in bed with my favorite comforter. I read anything I want to, listen to audio books or spiritual seminars, talk to my friends on the phone, or watch movies. There’s nothing like the comfort of my bed and my fluffy pillows to restore me to my happiness.

Is there anything that you see people around you doing or saying that adds a lot to their happiness, or detracts a lot from their happiness?
I think what detracts from a lot of people’s happiness is that they separate from each other and shut down, instead of opening up and embracing each other.

Do you work on being happier? If so, how?
My remedy for my happiness is to listen to myself. If I’m too tired, I put myself to bed. If I’m hungry, I make sure I eat the things that are nurturing for me. If somebody I am talking to is depleting my energy, I stay away from that person. I try to keep the people who are nurturing and uplifting close to me. I freely express feelings and do not censor myself. Definitely sharing the joy and the light randomly with people brings me a lot of happiness. All these are factors that contribute to a high level of taking care of myself, so I can then contribute more to other people’s happiness. Attending to myself is something that I have worked hard at over time to make into a positive habit.

* I had fun checking out the site Yasiv. You enter the name of a book in the Search bar at the top, and the site generates results based on Amazon's "also bought" feature.

11 Brilliant Writing Commandments From Henry Miller.

Cruising around Pinterest (my new toy), I came across this list of Henry Miller's eleven work commandments, posted by Sadie Skeels. I'm astounded by how absolutely apt these commandments are for my own writing practices.

For instance, #10. I struggle with this problem all the time. And #2. I remember a conversation I had with my agent when I was writing Forty Ways to Look at Winston Churchill. I was so enthralled with the material that I couldn't stop researching, and finally she said to me sternly, "No more research." #5 is terrific advice; when I can't seem to write, I can review my notes, edit, cut...and pretty soon I've started writing again. I think about #11 in a different way; I struggle to make sure that writing doesn't crowd out other things that are also important to me.

Henry Miller's Commandments, from Henry Miller on Writing:

1. Work on one thing at a time until finished.
2. Start no more new books, add no more new material to “Black Spring.”
3. Don’t be nervous. Work calmly, joyously, recklessly on whatever is in hand.
4. Work according to Program and not according to mood. Stop at the appointed time!
5. When you can’t create you can work.
6. Cement a little every day, rather than add new fertilizers.
7. Keep human! See people, go places, drink if you feel like it.
8. Don’t be a draught-horse! Work with pleasure only.
9. Discard the Program when you feel like it–but go back to it the next day. Concentrate. Narrow down. Exclude.
10. Forget the books you want to write. Think only of the book you are writing.
11. Write first and always. Painting, music, friends, cinema, all these come afterwards.

These rules seem helpful to non-writers as well; in almost everything we do, it helps to stay focused, refreshed, and perseverant.

What work commandments would you add? And what exactly do you think that Miller meant by #6?

* As I mentioned, I'm really enjoying Pinterest—"an online pinboard where you can organize and share the things you love." If you'd like me to send you an invitation, drop me a request at gretchenrubin1@gretchenrubin.com.

* Looking for an idea for a Valentine's Day gift? Give the gift of happiness! Well, you can't do that, but you can consider giving The Happiness Project (can't resist mentioning: #1 New York Times bestseller).
Order your copy.
Read sample chapters.

Comments (View) / Posted February 1, 2012 in Art, Books, Creativity, Quotation, Tips, Writing

Would You Want A "Permanent Smell Collection" Like Andy Warhol's?

I've become transfixed with the power of the sense of smell, and I've also been on an Andy Warhol bender lately—not looking at his art, which I don't particularly admire, but reading his writing and his interviews. He is brilliantly thought-provoking.

These two interests intersected as I was re-reading, for the third time, Andy Warhol's The Philosophy of Andy Warhol (From A to B and Back Again).

I love his notion of creating a "smell collection."

I switch perfumes all the time. If I’ve been wearing one perfume for three months, I force myself to give it up, even if I still feel like wearing it, so whenever I smell it again it will always remind me of those three months. I never go back to wearing it again; it becomes part of my permanent smell collection.
...
Seeing, hearing, touching, tasting are just not as powerful as smelling if you want your whole being to go back for a second to something. Usually I don’t want to, but by having smells stopped up in bottles, I can be in control and can only smell the smells I want to, when I want to, to get the memories I’m in the mood to have. Just for a second. The good thing about a smell-memory is that the feeling of being transported stops the instant you stop smelling, so there are no aftereffects. It’s a neat way to reminisce.

I wouldn't have the discipline to limit myself to one perfume and then switch every three months, but it's certainly true that certain smells recall certain times very powerfully for me. For instance, the perfume I wore my senior year in college—Perfumers Workshop's Tea Rose, a very distinctive fragrance—transports me back that time. I would love to be able to capture the smells of certain periods or places in my past: the art room in my grade school; my family's favorite Kansas City diner, Winstead's; summer camp; and so many others.

Fun fact, perhaps apocryphal: Andy Warhol was buried with a bottle of the Estee Lauder perfume, "Beautiful."

* A thoughtful reader sent me the link to this interesting post, 30 things to start doing for yourself, on the blog Marc and Angel Hack Life—"practical tips for productive living."

* Want to get my free monthly newsletter? It highlights the best of the month’s material from the blog and the Facebook Page. Sign up rWww Loveofmoneyisrootofallprosperity Da Blog Semdestino Frana Happiness Finding Happiness Life Happiness Happiness Quotes Happiness Richard Layard Money Make You Happy Happiness Layard Can Buy Happiness Money Makes You Happy Money Happy The Happiness Projectf y Money iWww Loveofmoneyisrootofallprosperity Da Blog Semdestino Frana Happiness Finding Happiness Life Happiness Happiness Quotes Happiness Richard Layard Money Make You Happy Happiness Layard Can Buy Happiness Money Makes You Happy Money Happy The Happiness Projecta Plan